Good god that was a disastrous broadcast. Every year I find that watching the Oscars is a bit like self-inflicted torture, but I tend to persevere and come out feeling like there were enough good laughs and a surprise or two that made slogging through the long and drawn out telecast feel at least a little worth it. But there was nothing at all redeeming about this year’s awards. The only truly enjoyable moment was when it came to an end and I could finally put my masochistic ass to bed. The show left me feeling so brain dead that I’m not sure I’m capable of putting my thoughts into a coherent, paragraph form, so I’m resorting to bullet points for the rest of this.
- Franco and Hathaway were an absolutely brutal pairing. James Franco is so low key and dialed back to begin with that I’m not sure why anyone thought he’d be a strong presence on this kind of stage. As the night wore on, you could tell that he had completely checked out, which I can totally understand, but it forced Hathaway to amp up her energy even further which pushed her from a little overbearing to full on grating. The whole thing just felt like it was spiraling out of control, but in a such a sleepy way that even the train wreck it turned into didn’t make for entertaining television.
- I get that they chose these hosts because they wanted to try to attract a younger audience (and kudos to the Francathaway for poking fun at that right out of the gate) but if that’s your intention, then just go for it. Don’t muddle it up with a bunch of boring and frankly, confusing Oscar’s history stuff and old-school presenters to appease older viewers. It was just weird and dragging and made a slow-moving show feel even more glacial. That Bob Hope thing? What the hell was that about? And while he was charming and fun and I was surprised to learn he was still alive, trotting out
KurtKirk (whoops. See, this show did deaden my brain) Douglas so early in the show set the pace of the show at an insufferable crawl from which it never even had a chance to recover.
- Cate Blanchett’s dress looked like something you’d find draped over the back of a sofa in your grandmother’s living room. She still looked lovely because she’s made of honey and wind and the fresh scent of early spring, but that dress was just a bizarre choice. I think Tilda Swinton put her up to it.
- The pre-recorded auto-tune musical bit was the best part of the night.
- Between the clip they showed at the beginning for the Art Direction award or whatever it was, the mention it got during the montage of Original Songs and then Celine Dion singing during the footage of people who died last year, we sure did get a lot of reminders that Titanic was a big deal movie that won a bunch of Oscars.
- Billy Crystal totally got a facelift, non?