Lies I Regularly Tell and What I Really Mean

-“That sounds great, but I can’t really afford it right now.”

That sounds boring and I’d rather spend my money on wine.

-“I’d love to, but I already have other plans.”

I’m going to sit on the couch in my underwear and watch Seinfeld reruns.

-“I’d love to, but I already have other plans.”

I hate your boyfriend.

-“Oh man, I hear ya.”

I completely zoned out while you were talking. What’s going on?

-“You know, it’s been a long time since I read/saw/heard it.”

I never read/saw/heard this. Can we please stop talking about it so I don’t feel like such an idiot?

-“I’ve been battling a cold for like the last week or so.”

I’ve been super depressed and did not want to see or talk to another living soul, but for some reason that still isn’t considered a legitimate excuse to be an antisocial hermit.

-“Sure, that sounds like fun.”

Sure, I’ll force myself to be social just this once.

-“Ha. Yeah, that show has some funny moments.”

You have a terrible sense of humor.

-“I’m fine with just water, thanks.”

Why can’t wine be free?

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